Working Mom Blues

Okay, if this comes as a shock to anyone, I apologize. But I think it’s time to admit that I’m not SuperWoman. I can’t do it all, and I definitely don’t WANT to. It’s getting harder and harder to go to work in the morning knowing what I’ll miss during the day. I was sick 2 days last week (really sick, not just day off sick) and I can see how it would be really easy to get into the habit of working 2 or 3 day weeks :). Don’t get me wrong—I love, love, love my job. We say Cimarron is the “best school in the world,” and I truly believe it is. My job is amazing, and I work with amazing people (my Assistant, Elaine, could do my job AND her job blindfolded, and never miss a step). If I didn’t love my job, I think I’d be pretty hard to get along with right about now. When I’m at work, I’m AT work, and I enjoy it. But times like now, when I have a break and I can stop and think, I just miss my Kayci. And I miss her Daddy. And I just want to be in my little house on Laguna with my family, doing family things. Like laying on the floor on my tummy with Kayci, watching her play and kick. Like hanging out on the couch giving her a bottle and halfway hoping she’ll fall asleep in my arms so we can cuddle for a while. Like changing diapers and changing clothes and eating lunch and watching the Bitty sleep on her tummy with her hootie in the air. So, this is where I am. I love my life. I love my girl. I love my job. But more and more, I dread the 8 or 9 hours I’m away from my family each day. Argh. This, too, shall pass. 

To backtrack, before Kayci was born, I really thought I could do it. I thought I could do it ALL, and do it all well. Well, that’s out the window. I don’t care if my floor is spotless, as long as it’s clean enough to throw a blanket down for Kayci. I don’t care if there’s dust on the TV, or the buffet, or the pictures on the wall, if that’s 30 more minutes I can play with my Bitty. Right this second, there are dishes in the sink. For those of you who really know me well, you know that you won’t notice any of these things, and that the house is actually probably pretty clean. But if you look closer, it’s not Kristi-clean anymore. James got mad at me one day for nagging him about making the bed (I can’t STAND coming home to an unmade bed) and said “There are more important things in life than making the bed!” Boy, was he mad at me. But it stuck, and it runs through my head every day when I have to choose between doing something mundane that probably doesn’t really NEED to be done and spending time with Kayci. I can do laundry after she goes to bed, and if we take an hour before church on Sunday to clean bathrooms and floors and dust, I’ll live. 

And now, back to work. Time for round 2.