First Time at the Sitter

Today we took Kayci to the sitter for the first time and I wanted to reach into my chest and rip my heart right out. It tore me up to have to leave her. Not that she's not in great hands.... it's just that she's been a constant fixture in our lives for the past 10 weeks and it's really hard for her to be away from me for a whole day. I never thought that this day would get me as emotional as I am. Now I know how Kristi felt when she had to go back to work. It was really hard leaving her, but I did it- eventually- after about 20 minutes of giving her to Michelle and then taking her back and holdng her and kissing her a little bit more. Before I left I held her up so she could see me and she gave me a huge smile. That's what is going to get me through the day. I know it's irrational, especially for a baby at this age, but I have some deep fear that she'll spend all this time during the day away from home and away from me and Kristi and that we'll be strangers to her. We'll just be the people she goes with to go home and sleep and bathe and change clothes. Kristi and I are in agreement- time in the mornings and evenings at home with Kayci is family time. I know she loves the two of us more than anyone else in the world (and vice versa). It's important for me to try to make her aware-on some level- that even though she's not with us during the day that we're a family and that there is no one in our lives more impostant than that smiley little girl.