Thursday, August 28, 2008

I Can't Wait

The soundtrack of my life: the washer's running, the dryer is pinging (buttons, zipper...I should check), the TV's on to provide background noise since they're working on the street outside the room where Noble's trying to nap...Noble screaming

This week has been all about Kayci--and rightly so--but I thought today I'd talk a bit about Noble. Specifically, about how I've really been looking forward to the work aspect of Kayci going to school (i.e., Noble will nap twice a day, I'll have time to WORK...). Well, that hasn't happened, and it's day 4. Although, to be fair, yesterday was Wednesday so I was in Houston working and so technically, I have gotten in a day's work this week. But back to today...I made a decision this morning that it was time for tough love. When Noble woke up 30 minutes after going to sleep this morning, I let him lay in his crib and cry for 15 minutes, then went in, comforted him, left. Did it again...then when I went in to comfort him, he had rolled over on his back and was mad about that and because he was screaming at that point, he gave himself a tummy ache. As badly as I needed to work, I couldn't leave him there. So I got him up, walked him until he quieted down, then put him down to play for a bit so we could start the process all over again. Now we're on AM nap, take two--I came into the office to get away from the screaming. :) Does it hurt my heart? Not so much. Do I get impatient? Not so much. I just want him to be a good sleeper, and for some reason that's one of my parental weaknesses. (Argh!)

As I was rocking him, trying to lull one of us, I picked up my MOPS book for this year, the mommy diaries: finding yourself in the daily adventure. Sure, I thought, after avoiding the book all summer...I could probably stand some self-help at this point. I opened it up, and found this song by one of my favorite artists:

I Can't Wait
--Sara Groves

When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes
Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
To say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most essential things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

This really jumped out at me today, because it sums up so much of the adventure that is parenting. As my children grow I find myself growing with them, and the lesson I've learned this summer is that every day isn't perfect...but I can find peace every day. I can find joy in the craziness of a baby who refuses to sleep, just as easily as I can with a 5-year old who can't wait to get up to go to school each day. I can, and I will. Work will come in due time.

And speaking of, silence from the other room...just pray this nap lasts more than 30 minutes.

I'll wrap with Kayci--she was a little anxious about my first commute yesterday, but so excited to get to ride home with Paula. I called her at 5, and she was so happy! She said, "I have good news, Mommy." What's that, Bitty? "I made a new friend today!" Then she told me how they met--they were standing in line beside each other, and before she knew it, they were just playing together. :) That made my heart happy! Then this morning, she woke up at 6:15 instead of 6:30. We were all in the office hanging out and she said, "Wow! I get to have a LOT of family time this morning!" It was a great morning, and I while I know they can't all be great, I hope to hold on to that and do my best to make the majority of them, at least, good.

Back to work...well, to work, at least...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

James didn't reaqlly sleep during the day very long after his 5 month mark. There was too much to see and do! You're a great Mom, and you will survive. Someday there will be a time you will realize you actually miss the kids being small.

James said...

Not true. I'd sleep all day if my boss didn't keep waking me up.