Winding Down… (MOMMY'S JOURNAL - WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18)
We’ve started marking time…this is the last Monday morning before Kayci comes…this is the last time we’ll go to Target before Kayci comes…this is the last time we’ll clean the bathroom before Kayci comes…It’s hard to believe that now, in less than 48 hours, Kayci will be a person, with a face and funny little mannerisms instead of just this “baby” wiggling around inside of me. We’re already so close to her, and to know that that feeling is going to intensify is pretty hard to comprehend for us first-timers. It’s hard to imagine how much love we have inside of us, just waiting for a little girl to focus on. And to think that next time, God willing, when Kayci gets a brother or sister, we’ll have even MORE love…more than enough to go around.
As we’re winding down, I find that I’m not worried about the hospital (now that I’ve got pajamas, gowns, and socks all lined out—I was stressing over what to wear. Typical Kristi!). I’m not worried about pain or any of that stuff—although I might eat those words, and soon. I’m not even worried about the huge lifestyle change that we’re facing. I guess more than anything, I’m at peace and ready for what’s next. The only thing that’s nagging at my mind is this disbelief that I’m about to be NOT pregnant. I can’t even imagine what that’s going to be like. Part of me already feels lonely; I’ve gotten spoiled being connected to Kayci all the time, and always knowing what she’s doing, always being able to touch her or talk to her. My hope is that God will take care of this the same way he takes care of everything else, and that once I see her I’ll forget about being a pregnant Mommy and just rejoice in being a Mommy, period.
On a lighter note, I find myself thinking about food a LOT this week. A few minutes ago I saw a teacher with a McDonald’s bag advertising McGriddles (love ‘em) and thought, “hmm. I should have one for breakfast tomorrow. It’ll be the last time for a while.” Lauren stopped by for a few minutes and we talked about getting together for a meal tomorrow, and I find myself wondering what I’d like to eat…pizza, Chinese, Mexican? I think deep down I must be gearing up for the weeks that we’ll be pretty much homebound. And I’ve been soooooo hungry this week—that’s been a big change.
It’s been kind of fun to see people’s reactions this week when they ask, “when are you due?” I’ll say “any time now” but James says “Friday.” I like to see them squirm a little! We’ve been running around doing last-minute errands, taking care of the things we’ve been putting off, getting ready to “hibernate” for a few weeks. Because I’m me, I had to make sure that we had EVERYTHING we might need at home—toilet paper, paper towels, pet food, etc…all we need is food for us, and I think the grandparents have pretty much cornered that market.
Yesterday we met Kayci’s pediatrician for the first time, and liked her immediately. Of course, last night I started Kayci’s binder to keep track of her medical records, etc. If you don’t know about her binders, don’t ask! I feel better—I didn’t have a lot of questions to ask, but she answered them all before I could even ask them, and answered several questions that we didn’t know enough to ask. We have a lot to learn about parenting, but Dr. Byrd seems like someone who will lead us gently, and make sure we know what’s happening every step of the way. After we left her office, we visited James’ mom in the hospital (I’ll let him explain how she’s doing, but we’re hoping she rallies so she can be at the hospital with us this weekend!). Then we went and visited the neighborhood where James lived with his Mom & Dad when he was 4-12, I think. We’d been there before, years ago, but it was really cool to see where he went to school, which trees he climbed, where his friends lived, the pool where he practically lived during the summers. It was a nice break, and I know it made James happy. Times have changed; I can’t even imagine letting Kayci go to a public pool by herself. In our day, it was just what kids did. Not anymore.
Today we go to see Dr. Thompson for our final prenatal, and to get our hospital orders. I can’t wait to see how dilated/effaced I am. There’s been a lot going on in there (contractions, pressure, etc.) so I just want to know what Dr. Thompson has to say about it. Kayci hasn’t turned the way she needs to turn (head down) but she sure moves her head up and down quite a bit. Sometimes it’s level with my belly button, sometimes it feels like it’s sitting right in the middle of my chest. I think she curls up the most at night when I’m sleeping; when I wake up to roll over, she’s usually in a tight ball right in the middle of my tummy. I was wondering today if she’s going to be a gymnast or a cheerleader—she seems pretty limber and flexible! We’re pretty excited about today’s visit—who knows, maybe she’ll say “hey, looks like she’ll be here sooner than we thought!” That’d be okay…I’m just ready to see that little girl’s face! And James is tired of me “hogging” her, or at least that’s what he told me at bedtime last night when he was ready to read to Kayci and I was finishing up her laundry and having a snack. He said “just wait; pretty soon she won’t be on YOUR schedule and I can read to her any time I want!” Alrighty. Just make sure you change that diaper while you’re at it, buddy.
You’d think I’d have something wonderful to say in what will probably be my last journal entry while I’m pregnant with Kayci. I don’t; I’m just tired and hungry. This chapter in our life is coming to a close. It’s been a great one, one that couldn’t have been any more perfect. We’ve been blessed with health and happiness—God has really revealed Himself to us through Kayci and the blessings He’s bestowed upon us recently. I think it’s a lot easier to face being a first-time parent since we’ve learned (just in time, I might add) that we’re not in charge—God is. Now let’s just hope we remember that when Kayci’s crying, or sick, or just not happy with the program. I know we’re about to be tested, but I think we’ll all come through just fine. I can’t wait to see what’s next for our little family, but I also don’t want to “wish” our time away—I want to enjoy every moment!